
OCTOBER – Louise Glück
1
Is it winter again, is it cold again,
didn’t Frank just slip on the ice,
didn’t he heal, weren’t the spring seeds planted
didn’t the night end,
didn’t the melting ice
flood the narrow gutters
wasn’t my body rescued,
wasn’t it safe
didn’t the scar form, invisible
above the injury
terror and cold,
didn’t they just end, wasn’t the back garden
harrowed and planted
I remember how the earth felt, red and dense,
in stiff rows, weren’t the seeds planted,
didn’t vines climb the south wall
I can’t hear your voice
for the wind’s cries,
whistling over the bare ground
I no longer care
what sound it makes
when was I silenced,
when did it first seem
pointless to describe that sound
what it sounds like can’t change what it is –
didn’t the night end,
wasn’t the earth safe when it was planted
didn’t we plant the seeds,
weren’t we necessary to the earth,
the vines, were they harvested?
2
Summer after summer has ended,
balm after violence:
it does me no good
to be good to me now;
violence has changed me.
Daybreak. The low hills shine
ochre and fire, even the fields shine.
I know what I see; sun that could be
the August sun, returning
everything that was taken away –
You hear this voice?
This is my mind’s voice;
you can’t touch my body now.
It has changed once, it has hardened,
don’t ask it to respond again.
A day like a day in summer.
Exceptionally still. The long shadows of the maples
nearly mauve on the gravel paths.
And in the evening, warmth. Night like a night in summer
It does me no good; violence has changed me.
My body has grown cold like the stripped fields;
now there is only my mind, cautious and wary,
with the sense it is being tested.
Once more, the sun rises as it rose in summer;
bounty, balm after violence.
Balm after the leaves have changed, after the fields
have been harvested and turned.
Tell me this is the future,
I won’t believe you.
Tell me I’m living,
I won’t believe you.
3
Snow had fallen. I remember
music from an open window
Come to me, said the world.
This is not to say
it spoke in exact sentences
but that I perceived beauty in this manner.
Sunrise. A film of moisture
on each living thing. Pools of cold light
formed in the gutters.
I stood
at the doorway,
ridiculous as it now seems.
What others found in art,
I found in nature.
What others found
in human love, I found in nature.
Very simple. But there was no voice there.
Winter was over.
In the thawed dirt, bits of green were showing.
Come to me, said the world. I was standing
in my wool coat at a kind of bright portal—
I can finally say
long ago; it gives me considerable pleasure. Beauty
the healer, the teacher
death cannot harm me
more than you have harmed me,
my beloved life.
4
The light has changed;
middle C is tuned darker now.
And the songs of morning sound over-rehearsed.
This is the light of autumn, not the light of spring.
The light of autumn: you will not be spared.
The songs have changed; the unspeakable
has entered them.
This is the light of autumn,
not the light that says
I am reborn.
Not the spring dawn: I strained, I suffered, I was delivered.
This is the present, an allegory of waste.
So much has changed. And still, you are fortunate:
the ideal burns in you like a fever.
Or not like a fever, like a second heart.
The songs have changed, but really they are still quite beautiful.
They have been concentrated in a smaller space, the space of the mind.
They are dark, now, with desolation and anguish.
And yet the notes recur. They hover oddly
in anticipation of silence.
The ear gets used to them.
The eye gets used to disappearances.
you will not be spared, nor will what you love be spared.
A wind has come and gone, taking apart the mind;
it has left in its wake a strange lucidity.
How privileged you are, to be still passionately
clinging to what you love;
the forfeit of hope has not destroyed you.
Maestoso, doloroso:
This is the light of autumn; it has turned on us.
Surely it is a privilege to approach the end
still believing in something.
5
It is true there is not enough beauty in the world.
It is also true that I am not competent to restore it.
Neither is there candor, and here I may be of some use.
I am
at work, though I am silent.
The bland
misery of the world
bounds us on either side, an alley
lined with trees; we are
companions here, not speaking,
each with his own thoughts;
behind the trees, iron
gates of the private houses,
the shuttered rooms
somehow deserted, abandoned,
as though it were the artist’s
duty to create
hope, but out of what? what?
the word itself
false, a device to refute
perception — At the intersection,
ornamental lights of the season.
I was young here. Riding
the subway with my small book
as though to defend myself against
this same world:
you are not alone, the poem said,
in the dark tunnel.
6
The brightness of the day
becomes the brightness of the night;
the fire becomes the mirror.
My friend the earth is bitter; I think
sunlight has failed her.
Bitter or weary, it is hard to say.
Between herself and the sun,
something has ended.
She wants, now, to be left alone;
I think we must give up
turning to her for affirmation.
Above the fields,
above the roofs of the village houses,
e brilliance that made all life possible
becomes the cold stars.
Lie still and watch:
the give nothing but ask nothing.
From within the earth’s
bitter disgrace, coldness and barrenness
my friend the moon rises:
she is beautiful tonight, but when is she not beautiful?
Several confessions to make here before reviewing Louise Glück’s October. I’m a cranky old man highly distrustful of women, not without exposure to many but almost because of that – particularly due to the corruption and dishonesty of my two sisters and my mother. Not that I don’t love them or didn’t love them, mind you, but because I loved them. Nothing fucks you up more than shitty people. Mark that down on your calendar somewhere. Stick it on your refrigerator door.
So after surviving what seemed to be more than a lifetime of betrayals and chaos, much of it due to the fault and weaknesses of that latter triumvirate of viragoes, my two sisters and mother, I have emerged in my October of life, much like Ms. Glück appears to have in hers.
That is an amazing sentence coming from someone who is admitting to such unrepentant sexist distaste for any woman poet or writer. PayingAttentiontotheSky is at once littered with all sorts of exceptions to my sexist prejudices, look at my love of Flannery O’Connor, Dorothy Sayers, Anne Carson, Dorothy Day, Madeleine Delbrêl, Anne Sexton, Emily Dickinson, Wislawa Szymborska and the incomparable Simone Weil.
At least those are the ones I have created special categories for or have selected poems that have deeply affected me. Obviously I am not who I claim to be, thank God. I don’t know why I cling to my misogynistic inclinations, perhaps it is the outgrowth of that “Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me” proverb that has reached the inconcludable heights of “Fool me six times…blah-blah-blah”
The reason I have this affinity for Louse Glück is that she is a poet for the survivor of violence and this is something that all PTSD vets and women who have experienced violence can find solace in. The narrator of October is searching for a way of being in the aftermath of her soul-robbing experience of violence. It begins with an awakening which is not quite so, a life lived in the half-light of disbelief:
didn’t the night end,
didn’t the melting ice
flood the narrow gutters
wasn’t my body rescued,
wasn’t it safe
didn’t the scar form, invisible
above the injury
Did all that really happen and is it really over? I remember those days coming back from Vietnam, the utter change from being there and then not. Later realizing I had never processed that sea change, it had just happened. I was numb to all that was alive around me. Then, blessedly I was overseas again, serving in Japan and of course none of that made sense at all. It never made sense again, really. It all seemed so pointless, until I came to rest with the Risen Christ:
when was I silenced,
when did it first seem
pointless to describe that sound
Am I not a survivor, the narrator seems to be questioning herself. And the gradual realization of that changed life of that half-light where “violence has changed me.” Withdrawn to the mind, no longer acknowledging her own bodiliness unable to awaken to the best of intentions:
It does me no good; violence has changed me.
My body has grown cold like the stripped fields;
now there is only my mind, cautious and wary,
with the sense it is being tested.
What rescues Glück in her October epiphany is the inescapable existence of beauty, transcendent beauty. Beauty that can be experienced in so many different ways. For me I discovered it most recently in the arms of a lover to whom I had given a copy of Glück’s Collected Poems, which is where I found October, finding it as I did in my tried and truest way by opening the book and reading what I saw there. I call that my St. Augustine method of locating truth. OK if you don’t know that story you can find it here. Try it sometime, it works.
What I like about the poem, and you can see if you don’t agree after reading it, is how the narrator switches voices, perhaps tone of voice would be more precise. When she is closest to recalling her violence affected self, it becomes shortened and clipped. As she emerges into powerful reflections on what happened to her and searching how to be in its aftermath the voice regains its natural rhythm of full sentences:
Come to me, said the world.
This is not to say
it spoke in exact sentences
but that I perceived beauty in this manner.
And looked back on the older self, the one with the stilted voice, she had passed from being:
I stood
at the doorway,
ridiculous as it now seems.
And speaking of St. Augustine again this is the interplay of the mind, mens, observing itself, notitia sui with the affection, amor sui, of what Augustine identified with the imago dei of the human, the creature created in the image of God:
The ground of the intellect, the mysterious source from which all intellectual activity surges forth, Augustine called mens. It would be wrong to translate this simply as “mind,” for that reduces its meaning too drastically. Mens is closer to esprit in French or Geist in German, designating the full range of spiritual energy. Mens is capable of a doubling or mirroring activity by which it poses itself as an object for its own contemplation. This Augustine calls notitia sui, or self-knowledge.
Though this sounds rather abstract, we all acknowledge notitia sui whenever we say, “What was I thinking?” or whenever we engage in introspection under the guidance of a therapist or counselor, searching out our motives and bringing to consciousness our often unconscious impulses. And when mens comes to self-awareness through notitia sui, it falls in love. Again, we sense this whenever, through introspection or counseling, we come to a richer understanding of ourselves and experience, thereby, a deeper level of self-acceptance.
What Augustine finds so intriguing about these dynamics is that though their components are separate from one another, though they can be clearly distinguished one from the other, they do not constitute a dividing of the mind into three. For example, when I say, “What was I thinking?” I’m certainly distinguishing mens from notitia sui, but I’m not falling into schizophrenia.
It was precisely this tensive ambiguity that makes the analogy so apt. The Father, Augustine claimed, is the mens of God, the dark, elemental ground of the divine life. The Father is capable of a perfect and utterly interior act of self-othering. The mirror or Word of the Father, his notitia sui, is the Son. When Father and Son gaze at each other, they breathe hack and forth their mutual love, and this is the amor sui of God, or the Holy Spirit. Hence we have three dynamisms but not three Gods; we have a lover, a beloved, and a shared love, within the unity of one stance, not a one plus one plus one adding up to three, but a one times one times one, equaling one.
Fr. Robert Barron, Catholicism
This is a common device in poetry and literature and once you can identify its movement you can fully enter the mind of the writer and follow along easily with what they are saying. Glück’s approach to beauty is through nature, as is my lover Luisa’s. She loves being outside and would never be drawn to my apartment, particularly for the animals I keep and my own big-cat existence. All of which she hates but can’t escape from. But that’s another post for another day.
Returning to Glück’s approach to beauty through nature:
What others found in art,
I found in nature.
What others found
in human love, I found in nature.
Very simple. But there was no voice there.
No voice, she recounts accurately. The pagans and their love of nature had everything except God, who although creator was not part of his creation, hence the lack of a voice. Nature reeks of God and leads us to Him but you cannot pray to it. Wallace Stevens will tell you the same thing in his The Snow Man:
The Snow Man
One must have a mind of winter
To regard the frost and the boughs
Of the pine-trees crusted with snow;
And have been cold a long time
To behold the junipers shagged with ice,
The spruces rough in the distant glitter
Of the January sun; and not to think
Of any misery in the sound of the wind,
In the sound of a few leaves,
Which is the sound of the land
Full of the same wind
That is blowing in the same bare place
For the listener, who listens in the snow,
And, nothing himself, beholds
Nothing that is not there and the nothing that is.
No, Ms. Glück’s awareness of beauty has awakened within her to a new autumnal sense of mind, one that has a new sense of appreciation for herself as survivor and is the subject of October. My lover and I have made the same journey with each other using profane love as our guide. That’s why this poem is so important to us; or, at least, I hope it will be. Because the one thing that love does for you is make you laugh and laughter shoots the world full of hope, something that Ms. Glück claims she has “forfeited.” Because I am Catholic I am privileged, really, to be still passionately clinging to what I love, as Ms. Glück is to her loves.
A wind has come and gone, taking apart the mind;
it has left in its wake a strange lucidity.
How privileged you are, to be still passionately
clinging to what you love;
the forfeit of hope has not destroyed you.
Section Five is her new view of the world:
It is true there is not enough beauty in the world.
It is also true that I am not competent to restore it.
Neither is there candor, and here I may be of some use.
That is true; there is only enough beauty for us to capture an awareness of the transcendental beauty that hovers over around and through our lives, shot through as it were. We cannot restore any of it, inadequate creatures that we are. We putter about the edges with our dismal science and attend to all the fatherless children growing up in stunned sadness. But candor, yes, that is something we can all provide to each other. It certainly is Ms. Glück’s talent.
She seems to deny one of the three theological virtues, hope, at the end of her poem but as I personally attested to above, love will shoot you so full of that you could no more eliminate hope than laughter from this world. One recalls Robert Frosts closing lines from Birches:
I’d like to get away from earth awhile
And then come back to it and begin over.
May no fate willfully misunderstand me
And half grant what I wish and snatch me away
Not to return. Earth’s the right place for love:
I don’t know where it’s likely to go better.
I’d like to go by climbing a birch tree,
And climb black branches up a snow-white trunk
Toward heaven, till the tree could bear no more,
But dipped its top and set me down again.
That would be good both going and coming back.
One could do worse than be a swinger of birches.
All good Catholics who pray the rosary are hopeful swingers of birches, with a knowledge that encompasses our hope of resurrection of the body, where life can bear no more and in death, dips its top and sets us down again in heaven: “Well done, my good and faithful servant.” October is a lovely poem, a good Catholic poem as I lay claim to it here, before my atheist lover gets her grubby hands on it, and I hope you enjoy it.